LOVE PIRATES by Dr. Steven Crosby

Greek is a far more precise language than English. In English, love is a very obtuse term. I can love my wife, hot dogs, and my car. I hope there would be a difference, but our language doesn’t help the distinction. In Greek there are four words commonly used for love: agape, phileo, eros and storge. Storge refers to love between family members. Eros refers to any love that is self-centered, not just the familiar sexual aspect. Eros is often quite clean and respectable. It presents itself as something that it’s not. Any love that under the surface has self-satisfaction and self-gratification as its motive, is erotic. The Greek symbol for eros was a snake swallowing its own tail, consuming itself. Eros can be deeply set in the ethics of many churches.

We can believe we are ambassadors for the love of God, when in reality, we are spiritual pirates. We run up the flag of love for others, but when people get close to us, they discover the Jolly Roger of eros:

• I witness to others because I feel guilty when I don’t – eros.
• I tithe because I want a hundred-fold harvest – eros.
• I sow my “faith seed” because I want to get _____ (fill in the blank) eros.
• I serve because I want recognition – eros.
• I attend the meetings because I want to be validated – eros.
• I volunteer because it’s the path to spiritual promotion – eros.
• I exercise a spiritual gift because I desire esteem – eros.
• I praise the Lord because I get to feel His presence – eros.
• I pray because I get what I want when I do – eros.
• I obey/do what I’m told because it earns me esteem from leadership – eros.
• I keep busy in service so I don’t have to deal with my brokenness – eros and fear.
• I behave properly so I will never have to be corrected – eros and fear.
• I sit in the back because I don’t want to be too committed – eros.
• I am free in Christ, so I don’t “have to do” anything I don’t feel He is “leading me” to do – eros.

Scripture never uses the word eros—for good reason.

It does use agape and phileo. Some say there’s no difference and others say agape is superior to phileo. I think they are distinct, but complementary.

God’s agape is not based in His emotions. It’s based in His volition, will, and actions. It’s love based on evaluation and choice. In original Greek it was a rather weak word, but the New Testament writers adopted it and infused it with new meaning. We need to think of it as an action term rather than an emotive term. Phileo covers more of the emotional side of things. Agape is God’s active and beneficial good will toward those who don’t deserve it. Phileo is love based on shared interests and common values. It’s the harmonious sense of affection and emotional warmth that occurs when unity, singleness of purpose, and agreement exist. It more nearly represents the idea of tender affections.

It’s imperative to recognize, that phileo is never used as a command to humanity to love God.[i] Also, believers are never told to love their enemies with the word phileo. That would mean to have the same interests that they have, to participate in the same practices that they do, and experience life in the same quality and degree as they do.

I used to get quite discouraged whenever the love of God was preached because I felt tremendous pressure to have warm and affectionate feelings for everyone. It was emotionally overwhelming for me. Some people in the church I barely knew, let alone cared for. And then there’s the unbeliever outside the church! That was another chapter of inadequacy. Since in my understanding it was a Christian’s duty to “love” everyone and I wasn’t, then I must have been failing miserably. After all, God is love and I am supposed to reflect His nature, and I am obviously not doing that. It was a lot of self-inflicted agony rooted ignorance.

When I understood that agape is a disposition of good will and not an emotive feeling, I was emotionally healed and set free. I can have an attitude of unmerited good will that manifests in my actions by an absence of malice toward total strangers or those who have wronged me. Thus, to reflect the nature of God, I do not have to have effusive overflowing feelings of emotion toward people.

There’s not a single New Testament Scripture that tells us to have warm affectionate feelings toward everyone.

We’re called to honor everyone, and agape our neighbors, enemies, and the brotherhood.[ii] Honor means to treat as precious or to fix a value upon. I can honor/agape everyone and agape the brotherhood, but phileo only a much smaller universe. It’s hard enough to agape one another, let alone trying to have warm affectionate feelings toward total strangers or those who do me ill. When we reach the limits of our capacity to phileo someone, either the Holy Spirit will supernaturally give us the vitality needed, or someone else in the community will be available to phileo the person who needs it.[iii]

The command to love (agape) one another was given to believers in community, not the unbelieving world. Where Christ is revealed, His resurrection life manifested, and gift exchange is occurring, agape happens. Charisma exchange in agape is the commerce of the kingdom of God. Kingdom life occurs in an atmosphere of unmerited goodwill and gift exchange (1Cor. 12-14). Love is not the presence of sentimental affection, nor is it the allegedly “greater” gift. The gifts of the Spirit are the concrete manifestations of the love of God.

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[i] It’s used as a warning in 1 Corinthians16:22, that those who do not phileo the Lord Jesus Christ at his appearing would be cursed. That makes sense. Those who do not share common interest with Him at His appearing are in trouble.

[ii] 1Peter 2:17; Matthew 5:43, 19:19.

[iii] Edward Peck, author’s private correspondence, 2007: a reason (among many) for the importance of participating in a community of believers.

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This article is excerpted from the book, Healing: Hope of Hype? Copyright 2011 Dr. Stephen R. Crosby www.drstevecrosby.wordpress.com.

Permission is granted to copy, forward, or distribute this article for non-commercial use only, as long as this copyright byline, in totality, is maintained in all duplications, copies, and link references.